Post by norbert1 on Oct 18, 2007 8:27:05 GMT -5
P wrote,
My father in law has moved in with us....he had Alzheimer's and is nocturnal and combative....unfortunately my husband does not seem to understand my difficulty with the situation. His father constantly threatens me with either his fists or his cane...I am afraid he will strike me. My husband says that if I can't out maneuver the old buzzard it is my problem...I am the primary caregiver and I don't have the skill set for this...am I allowed to defend myself? Or do I have to just dodge and hope for the best...
----------------------------
You have a real potential of danger here.
I know with my mother, she would display kinds of behavior with my wife that she would not do in front of me. That may be similar to what is happening to you.
People with alzheimers anger easily, because they have lost their reasoning and coping skills. It becomes important that the way we interact and communicate with them is done in a way to not provoke anger. This is a skill that cargivers develop gradually as their LO changes. But you have been thrust into the role suddenly. People with alzheimers can be like unreasonable little children, except that they are not little and they do not limit behavior because they respect you as a parent or authority figure. In the upper left, do a search for FAQ25 which describes communication does and don’ts. Also take a look at FAQ23
You would also benefit greatly from taking the course on Alzheimers caregiving basics offered by your local alzheimers association.
There is a post here on caregiver basics. In the upper left, do a search for FAQ39
There is an article on Alzheimers Violence posted at the University of Iowa, center on Aging that you need to read.
Google - Coping with Violence: If Your Loved One Changes
Or go to
www.centeronaging.uiowa.edu/archive/pubs/Newest%20Versions%20-%20pdf%20format/Coping%20with%20Violence.pdf
Call the Alzheimer’s helpline and discuss this situation with a counselor at 1-800-272-3900
If your FIL is prone to anger and violence, he needs to be under the care of a doctor who is a dementia specialist. The local Alzheimer’s Association can give you the names of dementia experts in your area.
Sudden agitation--
People with alzheimers have little mental reserve. In the future, if you see a sudden worsening of behavior, you have to suspect that they have developed an infection or pain, or other physical condition that is taxing their ability to cope. UTI’s are a common cause of sudden agitation.
Regarding your original question on defending yourself--
I do not know for certain, but according to the book Elder Rage, hitting an elderly person under any circumstances is considered elder abuse. So you have to be defensive only in your actions. No hitting back, no pushing.
Dealing with violence ----
- If anger develops - leave the room. It takes two to have an argument
- Keep your distance.
- Do not turn your back on him.
- If he tries to hit you - protect your self by holding a chair between you, or use a cushion from a chair.
- Carry a portable or cell phone with you, always.
- Do not get cornered in a room. Keep a point to escape behind you always.
- Lock up all knives.
- Remove all items that can be used as weapons (fireplace pokers, etc.)
- Have locks on your bedroom door.
- Make arrangements with the doctor on what to do if there is violence. Usually, he will tell you to call 911 and have the violent PWD to a hospital for treatment. Find out in advance, what hospital is the best for treating dementia violence. Not all know what to do or have an appropriate med adjustment program.
- Untreated violence tends to get worse over time. Delaying treatment will require bigger doses of meds to control the situation when finally treated.
Norbert
My father in law has moved in with us....he had Alzheimer's and is nocturnal and combative....unfortunately my husband does not seem to understand my difficulty with the situation. His father constantly threatens me with either his fists or his cane...I am afraid he will strike me. My husband says that if I can't out maneuver the old buzzard it is my problem...I am the primary caregiver and I don't have the skill set for this...am I allowed to defend myself? Or do I have to just dodge and hope for the best...
----------------------------
You have a real potential of danger here.
I know with my mother, she would display kinds of behavior with my wife that she would not do in front of me. That may be similar to what is happening to you.
People with alzheimers anger easily, because they have lost their reasoning and coping skills. It becomes important that the way we interact and communicate with them is done in a way to not provoke anger. This is a skill that cargivers develop gradually as their LO changes. But you have been thrust into the role suddenly. People with alzheimers can be like unreasonable little children, except that they are not little and they do not limit behavior because they respect you as a parent or authority figure. In the upper left, do a search for FAQ25 which describes communication does and don’ts. Also take a look at FAQ23
You would also benefit greatly from taking the course on Alzheimers caregiving basics offered by your local alzheimers association.
There is a post here on caregiver basics. In the upper left, do a search for FAQ39
There is an article on Alzheimers Violence posted at the University of Iowa, center on Aging that you need to read.
Google - Coping with Violence: If Your Loved One Changes
Or go to
www.centeronaging.uiowa.edu/archive/pubs/Newest%20Versions%20-%20pdf%20format/Coping%20with%20Violence.pdf
Call the Alzheimer’s helpline and discuss this situation with a counselor at 1-800-272-3900
If your FIL is prone to anger and violence, he needs to be under the care of a doctor who is a dementia specialist. The local Alzheimer’s Association can give you the names of dementia experts in your area.
Sudden agitation--
People with alzheimers have little mental reserve. In the future, if you see a sudden worsening of behavior, you have to suspect that they have developed an infection or pain, or other physical condition that is taxing their ability to cope. UTI’s are a common cause of sudden agitation.
Regarding your original question on defending yourself--
I do not know for certain, but according to the book Elder Rage, hitting an elderly person under any circumstances is considered elder abuse. So you have to be defensive only in your actions. No hitting back, no pushing.
Dealing with violence ----
- If anger develops - leave the room. It takes two to have an argument
- Keep your distance.
- Do not turn your back on him.
- If he tries to hit you - protect your self by holding a chair between you, or use a cushion from a chair.
- Carry a portable or cell phone with you, always.
- Do not get cornered in a room. Keep a point to escape behind you always.
- Lock up all knives.
- Remove all items that can be used as weapons (fireplace pokers, etc.)
- Have locks on your bedroom door.
- Make arrangements with the doctor on what to do if there is violence. Usually, he will tell you to call 911 and have the violent PWD to a hospital for treatment. Find out in advance, what hospital is the best for treating dementia violence. Not all know what to do or have an appropriate med adjustment program.
- Untreated violence tends to get worse over time. Delaying treatment will require bigger doses of meds to control the situation when finally treated.
Norbert