Post by norbert1 on Jul 24, 2007 10:02:00 GMT -5
Joy wrote, I told the truth..NOT GOOD
I am always to honest it is hard for me to tell fibs..I was wrong..I really didn't have to tell my husband..it would have saved a lot of bad words..HMMMM
I needed t o have the oil changed in the car and my husband said, “I can do it”... Gee he can't even walk from the bathroom to the kitchen very well..his back hurts a lot also his neck... I know I am not getting him under the car.
I write a note to hubby, telling him where I was going to run errands and getting the oil changed. When I got home he was very upset and asked me many questions. He said “I have changed oil in my car and I can do it. I said I did what I had to do because you are not able and our son is not around and I can not do it..so I just had it done....he started going on and on like I didn't know what I was talking about..
Next time I feel that he will get upset ..I will just have to tell story's..guess I have to learn how to do this..HMMM. JOY
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Norbert responds,
We have been taught from childhood that it is wrong to lie or tell fibs. Eventually, we do learn that telling the whole truth is not a good thing when it hurts someone's feelings.
When Alzheimer’s is involved, it is a completely different matter.
First, it is our obligation to interact in a way that produces the least amount of distress to the person. That means we tell fibs or do not give details that we know will upset them.
Second, what about the morality of the lying? (This is where people have problems; after all, it is the eighth commandment. ) With a normal rational person, we need to tell the truth so they have the information needed to make decisions and avoid situations that cause harm. But a person with Alzheimer’s is not able to use information to make proper decisions. They have lost the ability to process the information and make good decisions. The obligation to tell the truth is not the same with a person with Alzheimer’s. The obligation is to tell them what they need to know in a way that keeps them safe and keeps them from being upset. Or in your case would not have confronted the fact that your husband is no longer capable of doing the things he thinks he can do (skills that he has lost but does not realize.)
So with a person with Alzheimer’s, telling a fiblet, or a therapeutic lie (as they call it at the Alzheimer’s Association) is OK, and necessary. It is part of the dual life we must live and go along with the flow to keep things calm. We have to develop a different way to interact with our loved one with Alzheimer’s.
It is vary similar to the way we treat children. We do not tell them certain adult information. We do not tell them more than they can handle. We don’t give them all the details. With the person with Alzheimer’s, we take it one step further, because they do not realize that they have lost capabilities and no longer participate in decisions or do the thing they once could. So we have to resort to fiblets. It’s OK.
Norbert
I am always to honest it is hard for me to tell fibs..I was wrong..I really didn't have to tell my husband..it would have saved a lot of bad words..HMMMM
I needed t o have the oil changed in the car and my husband said, “I can do it”... Gee he can't even walk from the bathroom to the kitchen very well..his back hurts a lot also his neck... I know I am not getting him under the car.
I write a note to hubby, telling him where I was going to run errands and getting the oil changed. When I got home he was very upset and asked me many questions. He said “I have changed oil in my car and I can do it. I said I did what I had to do because you are not able and our son is not around and I can not do it..so I just had it done....he started going on and on like I didn't know what I was talking about..
Next time I feel that he will get upset ..I will just have to tell story's..guess I have to learn how to do this..HMMM. JOY
----------------------------
Norbert responds,
We have been taught from childhood that it is wrong to lie or tell fibs. Eventually, we do learn that telling the whole truth is not a good thing when it hurts someone's feelings.
When Alzheimer’s is involved, it is a completely different matter.
First, it is our obligation to interact in a way that produces the least amount of distress to the person. That means we tell fibs or do not give details that we know will upset them.
Second, what about the morality of the lying? (This is where people have problems; after all, it is the eighth commandment. ) With a normal rational person, we need to tell the truth so they have the information needed to make decisions and avoid situations that cause harm. But a person with Alzheimer’s is not able to use information to make proper decisions. They have lost the ability to process the information and make good decisions. The obligation to tell the truth is not the same with a person with Alzheimer’s. The obligation is to tell them what they need to know in a way that keeps them safe and keeps them from being upset. Or in your case would not have confronted the fact that your husband is no longer capable of doing the things he thinks he can do (skills that he has lost but does not realize.)
So with a person with Alzheimer’s, telling a fiblet, or a therapeutic lie (as they call it at the Alzheimer’s Association) is OK, and necessary. It is part of the dual life we must live and go along with the flow to keep things calm. We have to develop a different way to interact with our loved one with Alzheimer’s.
It is vary similar to the way we treat children. We do not tell them certain adult information. We do not tell them more than they can handle. We don’t give them all the details. With the person with Alzheimer’s, we take it one step further, because they do not realize that they have lost capabilities and no longer participate in decisions or do the thing they once could. So we have to resort to fiblets. It’s OK.
Norbert